Thursday, July 3, 2008
let me know.
comment your thoughts.
Everyone has a playlist for their life. The joys, the hurt, excitement and the anxiousness. Mine is as diverse as anyone elses. Right now, sitting on this train with only my shoulder-bag and the pink duffle that has my clothing in it, Sugarland is the band that is my soundtrack.
There's Got to be Something More.
I'm sick of being held back. That's exactly what I am right now. Held back from the adventorous life I should be living. To give you an idea? My best friend is my ex-boyfriend.
You can only imagine how many things are wrong with that statement.
I'm 20, and don't know what's really going on in my life. But then again, at 20, who does?
Flat plains expand for miles outside my window, and the little town we just passed through looked no different than my own little town of Chesaning.
It was just that morning that I had told Gemma I needed a ride to the train station. Within five minutes, she and Lissa were in my room trying to talk to me out of my brilliant scheme.
Oh, Gemma and Lissa. The foundation to my life for quite some time now.
I like to compare the three of us to the girls in Sex & The City. Gemma would be Miranda. No doubt. She has her goals in mind and knows how to achieve them. Lissa, deffinitely Charlotte. She's a romantic, loves her boyfriend, and will be the first to settle down.
That leaves me. The infamous mix between Carrie ( the writing thing) and Samantha (the wild thing). I had thought I found my prince charming, only to be devestated and then to follow it up with an affair with a married 28 year-old lawyer. It only had minimal perks, and not in the good-in-bed kind, either. Great kisser, though.
Yep, I'm the wild-child. the one now sitting on a train alone, with a one-way ticket headed for an unknown town in an unknown state. Whenever they kick me off is where my stop will be.
Lovely, isn't it?
I begged the girls to come with me. Obviously my puppy-dog eyes are losing their affect. I don't see how they wouldn't, after four years of constantly using them to get Gemma and Liss to join in my wacky plans.
The Conductor yelled the next stop as my iPod switched over.
Buy a One Way ticket
On a West Bound Train
See how far I can go
LeAnn Rimes pierced my ears, and I didn't switch it. The next song on the playlist of what I call my life.
Seems only fitting.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Can they just forget about a time when they were substituted. Or told they weren't good enough? Just forget about their whole schedule, the plays, signs, practice times and locations? Fill them with another one? Just forget about a time when they just plain weren't wanted?
Would they be able to remember all the old signs, or will new ones have to be put in place? What about misinterpretations? Ball clubs are infamous for their signs, but it doesn't mean a thing if the players don't remember what they mean. A sign to stay could be catastrophic if misinterpreted for a steal.
So, are grudges still held when they're called up? Or is everything forgotten in an attempt to be the best ball player the team has ever seen?
Well, it's game-time...time to find out. Play Ball.
And-- if everything's right-- a true ball club, a true friend, will be there no matter what.
The lightning flashed all around making brilliant patterns in the sky. Bolts lighting up the clouds for seconds then dissappearing just to reappear in different formations a second later.
The fireflies winked constantly around the pond and in the line of trees underneath the dark clouds. With no thunder, the moment had never been so perfect. Standing behind her, he rubbed her arms to try and take away the chill that had fallen in the air. Occasionally kissing her neck or the top of her head, he wrapped her in a seemingly endless hug. She pulled him closer, not wanting to let him or the moment go.
He knew what she was thinking and said in a low voice, "If you can't hear the thunder, it's too far away to hurt you."
She leaned her head against his chest and remembered the last time he had said that...sitting on the dock at his cabin, watching the storm coming in over the lake. She smiled with the memory.
Never, in her life, had she felt safer.
There is nothing more intimidating than a blank piece of paper. A pure white sheet, with nothing on it. Nothing to taint it, no words or thoughts to make a mess of it. Intimidating. As any writer would say, it's just an open space, waiting for creative words to fill it. It's inviting.
As the Carrie Bradshaw of the Sports world, it's no different. Except, instead of comparing Love to Manolo Blonicks, and men to dogs, I compare teams to friends. Managers to mothers. The home team to a support system, and the visitors to all the evil that rues the world.
Your team. The ones who take the pain of that last pitch away, for a moment. The ones who pull you out of the mess that you, yourself, created. Bases loaded with a count of 3-0, they're the ones who can pull you out of any wreck—if they're good. It just so happens that my team, my relievers are amazing.
~and this is what happens when I get home from seeing Sex & The City the Movie and start watching baseball.....~*sorry*
I don't know what it is, but I just can't get him out of my head.
When I close my eyes, I picture him. Turn on the TV, and I see shows we've watched together. The radio? The Lyrics only speak about him.
They say if you can't get someone out of your head, then maybe they're supposed to be there.
There's just something about him. He's cute, funny, talented, a great listener.
Smart, understanding, hard worker. He knows what he wants and he goes for it.
He's strong, in both mind and body.
His hugs? Comforting. Those kissse? Amazing. His smile? Stunning.
They also say that Summer Romances are the best.
I can't wait for the many bonfires
days that we think will never come to an end.
I can just imagine the piggy-back rides, beach trips, even one or three to Cedar Point. Constant smiles and no problems.
That's summer. The parties, the romances, the grins and good times.
and I can see it all happening with him.
It's amazing how one piece of artwork can reaffirm a friendship that you've known you've had for many, many years.
One spontaneous trip.
Can tell the tale of a frienship. One piece of artwork can explain the happiness,frustration, pain, spontinaity, anger, confusion and sheer exhileration of two people's worlds combined into one.
No matter where I am in the world, I can always look at that and remember. Remember the time when we were dancing in the rain outside on that cool June night. Remember sitting on the rock, and pouring my heart out to you. Or sitting in my car, and having you pour your heart out to me. That heart reminds me of countless nights where I cried myself to sleep thinking I had lost you. Forever. Yet, now, this heart let's me know that I'll never lose you. Not with the bond we've created between us.
When you look at it, I hope you remember as well. Remember the field, and looking up at the stars. Remember swinging in the park. Remember walking the railroad tracks.
The countless laughs.
and numerous tears.
Remember all the things we have taught each other. Some material, others not.
Learning to sail.
Random dance moves.
to open up & not keep things a secret.
how to throw darts.
and most importantly: how to love like neither of us imagined possible.
No matter where I am and where you are, we'll always remember each other. We're marked now. Marked with the memory of each other.
and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Even with the just-ending writers strike, Finals are coming up and it's going to be very hard to catch the episodes we all want to watch on television during their regularly scheduled time.
ABC, CBS and NBC are only three of the television stations that have online viewing for their shows. It's very convenient and, I must admit, my newest vice. If I'm sitting in class (IAH, ISS, any boring humanities course) and become very bored...it's not uncommon for me to break the headphones out and catch up on the episodes of Samantha Who that I've missed.
When you get a chance, check it out. It's possibly one of the greatest ideas ever.
for programs like: Samantha Who, Dancing With The Stars and The Bachelor
for programs like: Medium, Deal or No Deal, 30 Rock, and Chuck
Thursday, April 10, 2008
For me, however, it was a spontaneous one. A shopping trip turned ink injection left me marked...for life.
The idea that I once wanted a hibiscus flower with the words 'no worries' in Hawaiin written in script around it was quickly thrown out the window as a new idea, a heart with devil horns & a tail replaced it.
I had been talking about getting a tattoo for a long time and had it all planned out. I took all of the advice everyone gave, about knowing what I wanted, where I wanted it, what it meant. I knew to get something with meaning, something I wouldn't regret for the rest of my life. All I needed was the money, and to get over my needle phobia.
Even though my decision was a spontaneous one, and the design was quickly switched, it was for the better. Knowing I won't regret getting my simplistic yet meaningful heart, I'm ecstatic about the new addition to my body and the meaning my best friend and I have put behind it over the years. My decision wasn't a light one as it shouldn't have been. It's always a good idea to put research behind any tattoo. Here's a couple of websites that can help you further with that decision:
Where should I get my tattoo?
Tattoo Risk & Procautions
Should I get a tattoo?
Sunday, February 24, 2008
My heart and my brain are having a fight. My heart wants things...it's lusting. My brain, however, is being sensible, and saying no. My heart feels comfortable and wants him so bad. To be held, appreciated...to be cared for. My brain...knows my heart's wrong. It knows that I'd hate myself for it...and that the one moment of ecstasy isn't worth the aftermath I would lay upon myself.
If I do this, I'm going against everything I've stood for my whole life. I'm becoming one of those girls I hated. Absolutely hated & never wanted to be. If I become that girl, where did my old self go? How did I get this way? How can one guy make me want to change everything I stand for?
No. No, my brain says. It's not worth it. It's not worth losing that friendship and making things ackward.
But you feel so comfortable with him, my heart counters. Everything's natural...it seems right. If it seems right, it has to be right.
It's an adventure.
It's against your morals.
It'd be thrilling.
And you think you know who I'm talking about.
but honestly, you really have no idea.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Yep, here we go again.
I was fine. I am fine. I'm content watching movies all night. Then why, oh why, am I so devastated right now? No, wrong word. Not devastated. Down on myself. Yes. Down on myself.
It was a wonderful day. Waking up and finding a surprise valentines day card on my door from one of my very good friends who commutes to State every day was amazing. Him getting that valentine to my door meant that he had to leave early to put it there. Coming from a guy who hates valentines day, I really appreciated it.
Class. Nothing too bad, nothing too good, either. My Journ prof gave us candy, and that made me happy. It wasn't until I came back to the dorm and my nightly plans were all turned around that I became this melancholy mess. She's down there with the boys. That's fine, honestly! I was, too, until my stomache didn't feel good and I came back here to rest.
then I started thinking....and we all know what thinking does to me.
So, happy Valentines day to all. I hope it's been good to you.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Not that I mind being single this year for the dreaded Valentines Day. I'm just sick of all the hype. Granted, I should be upset about all of the hype, as well. It's my first single Valentines Day in...three, maybe four years.
This year I was perfectly content to sitting in a theater with my best friend watching the newest chick flick. That's not even happening, now, seeing as how we're both tired of everything red & lovey-dovey. Even I find myself drawing little hearts in the margins of my notes during classes and it's hard to stop myself. Love is all around, especially 'in the air'.
And, as a disclaimer, I'm putting this in right here right now. I'm not upset that anyone has a date for V-day. Good job! have fun, enjoy it. I'm happy for you. I, myself, have come to terms with the fact that I will be alone on Valentines Day. In fact, I won't even really be alone. I'll be with two of my very good friends, whilst the third is on a date with her boyfriend.
However, if I have come to terms with this fact, and I'm happy with it, and plan on doing nothing else, please don't be calling me asking me to be your Valentine. Now, Grandma, I can understand you. I will gladly be your Valentine. However, if you call and ask me what I am doing for Valentines day a week ago and I answer with a 'going to the movies with my friends, I'll be at State'...wouldn't someone just let the subject drop?
Yes...I do believe someone would. However, not this one. No. Instead, I get another text message tonight. "What are you doing on Thursday?" Now, it's nothing. However, I have to leave very early on Friday to make it to Boston by Friday night. So, getting back to the fact that I'm content just sitting on a futon, studying and watching T.V. I've come to terms with it, accepted it, and am actually looking forward to it.
"What about tonight?"
Can a guy just not get a hint? I'm not interested. I'm fresh out of a relationship from...maybe a month ago.
I don't even really want to go on dates right now. I just need friends. And to be single. Single Kristy-- the one who never, ever relied on any guy to make her happy. The one who thought of them as...well, playtoys. That's just what you are to me, right now. I have you begging at my feet for me to spend time with you when you're forever and a day away...and I'm here at school. Being busy. So, I'm sorry-- realize it, and move on. You're more like a brother to me, anyways.
Why do certain guys just not get the hint?
I guess that's another thought process for another time...
Sitting here with my mug of hot chocolate (and mini marshmallows, mind you), I should be studying. For what? Communications 225. Interpersonal Communication & The Self, or something like that. Here's what I've studied so far:
Interpersonal communication is, for the most part, subconcious. Communication is based off of one's culture, ethnicity, gender, social class, & region of the country. And, I just burned my tongue. Just an FYI. There's many different models, but the few I need to be concerned with for tomorrow are the Linear, the Transaction & Interactional model.
Going over all of my notes...I realize, I don't know this at all. I mean, yes, I know it, I understand it...but I can't comprehend it. It hasn't sunk in to my brain where I can say, 'hey, that's the answer!' nope. not happenin'. Not tonight, at least.
Yep...back to the studying. Maybe something fun later.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
I can not tell everyone how amazing it feels to have my first article ever published. Yes, finally, I wrote something that is actually PUBLISHED. Not just any article, though. A Sports article. on The Tigers. it's amazing how I've always dreamed about it, but now, it's finally coming true. Meeting Vance Wilson, Jordan Tata and Rick Porcello was just absolutely amazing, and I can't WAIT to be able to get my real press pass and be able to go backstage all the time!
I've always been in the newspaper, or on t.v., but just being interviewed. Not actually writing for it. And it just feels amazing. It's the first step to actually being a real journalist, actually writing for a real organization, being able to express my views to other people. It's what I've always wanted, and I'm so psyched I get to share it all with you.
So, watch for it! Spartanedge.com
gotta love it!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
That paragraph was written as an away message. It was put up around 9 am when the air was alive with an electric buzz, and my fellow Spartan friends and I were no exception to those affected. We were all decked out in green and white (head to toe, mind you) by ten, and already celebrating the festivities by ten thirty. Chants of ‘Go Green’ ‘Go White’ echoed throughout campus, only interrupted by the strains of the fight song or another favorite MSU student chant of ‘asshole’.
At One pm, lined up outside of the student gates, the crowds were growing bigger. Everyone just knew when the gates opened, there would be an ambush to get the best seats for the biggest rivalry game of the year. Glares were cast towards where the U of M band was warming up, and cheers were becoming louder. As Two grew near, the buzz was electrifying, excitement consuming the rest of our minds.
The game was a mess of ups and downs, a mixture of cheers and dissapointments. Especially after one interception that went the way of MSU, my friends and I were making fools of ourselves dancing when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, yelling that I had just been on T.V. Well, I didn’t quite believe him, and then my phone died. What excellent timing. Apparently, I was on ESPN for at least five to ten seconds in a ‘fan shot’ on the biggest game day for MSU of the year. Amazing! That didn’t matter, though, our team was still down and we needed to pull it up. The whole student section had faith in our boys, and the Wolverines were in Sparta. Everyone knows, if you’re a Wolverine, you don’t belong in our territory.
With the last minutes of the game looming near, the fans’ anticipation grew immensly. It was such a close game, and this year we actually had a chance of winning. A chance of actually crushing the Wolverines to smitherines. The clock ticked down, and as the last chance for Michigan State to win the game was thrown away, the stadium’s cheers rose for Michigan, and all the State fans were silenced. Mouths were hung open, and tears were actually forming in my eyes. There was such promise, hope, and honor to be won. Bragging rights for a year were thrown away, and sadness was removed, replaced with anger and frustration.
The Spartans drudged back to the dorms, trying to beat the cafeteria rush. No one said anything. There wasn’t the usual buzz of the game, no talk of awesome plays or what could have been done differently. Instead, in Case hall, when in a sea of green & white a maize & blue shirt appeared, the only buzz there was died down, and everyone became completely silent. I didn’t want to be the one to start it, but the urge of throwing my chicken tenders at him was almost too great for me to repress. Instead, after a couple seconds of silence, someone started talking again, and everyone followed suite. It kills me, but it was probably for the best.
The only thing to do now is to prepare for next year. It is time to prepare for Glory, time to prepare for respect. Training is now in our teams midst, and it is time to be better than we ever have been. They know they have 40,000 plus students behind them, 40,000 plus people believing that they can do it. Next year, boys. Next year will be our year. It will be our time for honor, respect, and dignity. So, Spartans, What is your profession?