Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Then I lost it

I keep thinking we're making headway. Instead, anytime something good happens, instead of making headway, he's pushing me away. Or I'm pushing him away. I'm not sure which...I just know it's happening. Maybe it's happening on purpose. Maybe we're not realizing it. I don't know...I just know that every time I take two steps forward, I go eight back.

I guess I can't compete. He'll say it's not a competition...but it is. An attention competition...one that I just lost. Sure, he's here playing right next to me...but he's not. He's not the same person he was. Yes, she's leaving for a week...yes, it's his girlfriend. But I've been there forever. He never drives out anymore because he doesn't have money...he goes out there all the time. I lost.

I lost the texting war, I lost the friend I once had. I give him a lot....but lately have been getting nothing in return. Is that a friendship? No...one person making a ton of effort and the other making a little bit does not a friendship make.

To be fair, though, he had made effort...not to hurt my feelings. He's been an okay friend, just not all there. Is this really it? I want to say no, but I'm not so sure anymore.

In fact, I really think it is.

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